Fan Fiction Final - A walk to Remember

“Yep, you’re pregnant”
That’s not the usual way a doctor would inform a happily married couple with the news that they are expecting a baby. No congratulations. No warm smile. That’s because our situation is different, not by choice, by fate.
It was no surprise to me that I was pregnant though. Over 1 week late (and I have never been late for anything in my life) followed by morning sickness 3 days in a row. It doesn’t take a rocket science to figure that one out.

Leukaemia, terminal, treatments. The three words that I can’t escape and are forced to live with everyday. I have accepted it though and so has Landon. Instead of dwelling on the fact that my life is coming to an end before it’s barely started, we focus on making the most of the time I have left. A baby was definitely not part of the plan and from the doctors tone of voice, It’s obvious he’s no bearer of good news.
“As you know, we can not carry on treating your Leukaemia with Chemotherapy if you are pregnant, especially since you have reached a terminal stage in your illness.”
The Doctor just reminded me of those three painful words all in one sentence. Leukaemia, terminal, treatments.

The doctor broke the silence, “I know this is a huge decision to make, but please take a couple of days to think about it and then get back to me, the sooner the better”. I don’t know how but I managed to pick myself up and walk out of the doctor’s office. Luckily Landon came with me today because there’s no way I could have been able to drive. The ride home was painfully silent, both me and Landon were too scared to say a word. I was trying to let the feeling sink in but how was I meant to with an ultimatum like this..

If I choose to keep the baby, I have to stop my chemotherapy and chances are I will only be around for a few months of the baby’s life OR if I choose to terminate the baby, I can carry on with my treatments and live a normal life for another strong 5 years. And to think only a few hours ago, picking which dress to wear to the doctors was my hardest decision for the day.

We couldn’t avoid the topic all day so it was me who finally broke.
“Landon, say something”
“There’s no way I’m letting you give up 5 years of your life, this baby won’t be fair on either of us.” He replied.
He couldn’t be serious.
I can’t kill a baby just so I can live an extra 5 years, this baby would be like my replacement. Every cloud has a silver lining they say.
“I’m going to die anyway” I’m stabbed back at him
“Do you really want this baby to grow up without a mother? As sinful as it may sound, but in the future I could not look this baby in the eye without the reminder that they are the reason you were taken from me, I’m sorry, but it wouldn’t be fair to bring a baby into this world with circumstances like that.”
With that, I stormed out of the house and made my way to the place that knows me better than I know myself, church.
It was empty like I hoped it would be. It didn’t take long for the pastor to come and sit next to me, he knew something wasn’t right. He was only here to help so I told him about the doctor’s visit this morning, I was desperate for any advice. Well storming out of the house and coming here turned out to be the right thing to do. The pastor assured me I wasn’t the first person he had come across in my situation and that there were others out there suffering the same as me. He explained to me there have been unlucky cases like mine where the patient decides to terminate the baby, and they then suddenly pass away months later. There have also been happy endings where the patient decides to risk it and keep the baby, and the mother is still living to tell the story.
“You really have to leave it up to fate and trust it will do it’s job. It’s impossible to know what the right decision is right now, have faith.” The pastor left it at that as he got up and walked back to the stand. He was right, I just needed to trust fate. I’m going to have this baby and I’m going to live I thought to myself. My heart suddenly dropped, how was I ever going to convince Landon, he had a good point that bringing this baby up would be unfair. He would never listen to me. I dragged myself out of my seat and started to head out the door when right there, just 5 rows behind me, was Landon. He had followed me down here and heard everything the pastor said. He looked me in the eye and I knew he was on my side now. Now all I can do is leave it in the hands of fate.